


Anniversary, I guess

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anniversaries, Jerki - Freeform, M/M, Messing with max, Minecraft, Obliviousness, copious use of catfish comparisons, fake dating(?), i had the worst writers block of my life, implied sex, is that the ship name, nothing graphic, so I wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23116792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I had writers block. I wrote this.Am I proud? Well, since I spent like 10 minutes or more googling how to post shit anonymously on this site, no. Am I posting this anyway even if I don’t know if I did the anonymous thing correctly? Yes. I honestly don’t care. Shame is overrated, and I’ve written worse. Whatever will be will be or whatever.Aka, it’s an anniversary. Max doesn’t know. If Max (Mithzan) or Ross (Yourpalross) ask for Jerki Fanfiction or any fanfic containing them, go ahead and send this fic their way. I don’t have Twitter, and I’m not interested in ever getting it.
Relationships: Jerki, Jerry | Jer2Bear/Oogapooki (Video Blogging RPF)
Kudos: 22
Collections: Anonymous





	Anniversary, I guess

Max didn’t consider himself observant. He had a tendency to overlook even the most important and obvious of details, like diamonds hidden in the crannies of caves, or zombies breaking down the doors of his village. Of course, he didn’t consider it a big deal. That was because he wasn’t observant enough to realize that not being observant tended to lead to surprises.

Ross, however, seemed to be the opposite. Sometimes, at least. He had the vacant eyes of a catfish that suggested that nobody was home, but that was far, far from the truth. In reality, he had quite the head on his shoulders— not just in matters of redstone, but outside the game as well.

The two of them were quietly working on a new building when Ross dropped the metaphorical bomb.

Ross paused, his little Minecraft character standing and staring at his feet. “So.”

“Huh?” Max responded, placing a block of cobblestone before turning to look at Ross’ character. Ross coughed into his mic.

“Jerry and Pooki?”

Max went back to work. “What about them?”

“It’s their one year anniversary,” Ross said.

“What?”

“Yeah,” Ross continued, “One whole year.”

“WHAT?”

Ross sat back in his chair as the loud shout echoed through their house, the sound of heavy footfalls growing closer and closer. Soon enough, Max was slamming his door open.

“Hi,” Ross said casually.

“Since when the hell were they dating?!?” Max asked frantically. Ross turned back to the computer, completely unbothered.

“Oh, a year. That’s the whole point of the anniversary thing, ya know? They’ve been dating. For, like, a year. Hence the one year anniversary.”

“A year?”

“Yes, a year.”

“A full year?”

Ross looked over to him. “Do you need to get your ears checked? I told you, one year. It’s actually kind of cute.”

Max ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of any evidence of their relationship. Think, think, think…

“Since when?”

“A year ago!” Ross exclaimed. 

“No, I mean, I never knew they were dating! Never!”

“Well you said it.”

“That was just a joke,” Max said, rather defensively. 

Ross turned away from his computer, staring emptily at Max with those catfish eyes, all seeing yet never telling. A Pandora’s box. Ross licked his lips in a way that made Max feel like he was in a bad fanfiction. 

“Well, certainly isn’t. Their first date was last year. And, like, they’ve been all over each other since. You’ve seen them flirting with one another! Heck, I think they’ve even made out with one another. In front of your very eyes. Like, on your couch. Sucking face. On your couch. And Jerry wears Pooki’s clothes all the time.

Max paused, covering his hands with his face. No, that couldn’t be-

“What about that episode of hide and go seek? They were laughing and joking about dating,” Max offered.

“They’re gay, Max. What are you, a homophone?” 

“Homophobe,” he corrected, “and no, I’m not. I’m just… caught off guard. Very. A lot. Super caught off guard. What about when we went to McDonald’s together?”

“Holding hands under the table the whole time.”

“That big block party?”

Ross made a face.

“Block party?”

Max nodded, “Yeah. The block party, with all the colors and flags and stuff.”

Ross blinked hard, like a catfish, clearing its eyes of thick river grime. 

“You mean the pride parade..?”

Nothing made sense anymore- they’d been dating for a whole year and it slid under his nose! Like- like something sliding! Under his nose! Very sneakily! He cursed under his breath and turned, fumbling in his pocket for his phone. 

Ross asked, “Who’re you calling?”

“Pooki. And if you’re lying-“ he stopped, trying to think of a good threat. “I’m going to, uh, punch you in the throat if you’re lying.”

“The only one lying here is you. You’re blaspheming god to his face, Max. But go ahead, make the phone call.”

A chill ran down Max’s spine, and he pulled out his phone and placed the call.

—

Thirty minutes or so before that phone call, the sound of breaking glass echoed through their home, caused by Pooki being slammed into a wall by Jerry, the vibrations knocking a glass vase off of a nearby table. 

From then on, things got a little messy. Take that as you will, your mind is your own, alter your interpretations as you see fit. Messy and uncomfortably sweaty, until three minutes before the phone call.

“Babe,” Jerry asked, wincing from how raw his throat felt, “where the hell’s my shirt?”

“Ah,” Pooki huffed, looking around. He couldn’t see it. Shamelessly, he shrugged, flopping down on their bed. “I threw it somewhere. You know me, big buff boy, able to throw things far and wide. If I played baseball instead of Minecraft, I’d be batting an one. A one?”

“A one?”

“Yeah. Isn’t it like golf? Worst score wins?”

They both pondered it for a moment, but neither could come to a satisfying conclusion. Pooki because he didn’t know much about it, and Jerry because he couldn’t think straight. He wiped some drool from his jaw, grimacing a little.

“Well,” he said, “I can go get changed. Then,” he accentuated every word with a little kiss, “you, me, dinner, movie…”

“And whatever else the night may bring?” Pooki breathed, their foreheads touching. Jerry nodded, leaning closer, letting his eyes slip shut-

His phone rang from somewhere in their bedroom. Probably wherever Pooki’s pants laid, hidden somewhere in the quiet. They pulled back from one another, Pooki following the noise like a shark following a trail of blood. He found his pants atop the pile of glass shards from a vase they knocked over earlier, and took out his phone.

“It’s Max,” Pooki said. Jerry rolled his eyes.

“Egad, Max!” Jerry teased. Pooki picked up the call.

“Hey, what’s the scoop.”

There was static on the other side. He held his phone closer to his ear, and realized it wasn’t static, it was Max, talking faster than the speed of light.

“What?”

The ‘static’ cleared like clouds being blown away from wind.

“Since when were you and Jerry dating?!?!?”

Pooki blinked. Then did it again. The information settled like river sediment in his mind, heavy and gritty.

“A year? It’s our anniversary today. Didn’t you know?”

Max made a really, really disturbing noise. A gargled yell that turned into something close to a pained, dying whimper. Pooki turned his phone on speaker.

“Did you not know?” Pooki asked.

“We’ve been… painfully obvious about it,” Jerry continued, “how did you not know?”

Max groaned from the other side of the line. 

“Because you two weren’t dating and Ross is fu- fricking with me!”

“You two are dating?” Jerry said.

“No! No!!!!! We’re not! And you two aren’t either!”

“Yes we are,” Pooki insisted. He thought back to all the times he and Jerry had done romantic things in front of him. Holding hands at the Macdonald’s, kissing on the couch, the pride parade… was that seriously not enough?

“If you’d been here a few minutes ago you’d know for certain,” Jerry joked. Pooki glared at him.

“But seriously, one year?” Max plead.

“One year.”

“One whole year.”

“Yes. We thought you knew?”

“No! I didn’t! I only knew because Ross told me! Right now! While we were on the server!”

“Really?”

“Yes, really!” Static jumped with Max’s high pitched squeak, Jerry stifling a laugh with his hand.

Pooki rolled his eyes, picking up the phone, turning it off speaker.

“Look,” he said, “if you have a problem—“

“I don’t have a problem!” Max exclaimed, “I’m not a homophone— HOMOPHOBE— I’m just… how did I not know?”

Pooki shrugged, “Well, you’re not very observant.”

Jerry made a face at him, brows scrunching up in a look of utter confusion.

“Yeah,” Max groaned, “I know, I know…”

“You really aren’t observant,” Pooki pushed, turning the phone back to speaker, but covering Jerry’s mouth with his hand.

“I know!” He snapped. Max sighed. “Anyway, uh. Happy anniversary…?”

“Thanks man,” Pooki said casually, “and hey, it’s Ross’ anniversary, too.”

“What?” Jerry mouthed.

“What?” Max exclaimed.

“Oh, don’t you know? He’s dating us too.”

With a garbled, choked scream, Max shouted to Ross. It was so loud static jumped through the phones speakers, probably frying them, for a good five seconds until the call dropped. Then, silence.

“Babe— is there something you need to tell me?” Jerry asked, looking genuinely concerned.

Pooki chuckled. “No, Ross is too uh. Catfish-like for me. I just thought that maybe saying Ross was with us too…”

“...would put Max in such a tizzy that he wouldn’t bother us?” Jerry finished.

Pooki nodded, setting his phone on the table by their bed.

“Exactly.”

Jerry smiled, bright as ten thousand suns and twice as beautiful, and pulled Pooki into his arms, peppering kisses all over his face. Then they tumbled back into bed, and things got messy… again.

Meanwhile;

“So how long have you been dating them?” Max interrogated, phone held in a white knuckled vice grip.

“Oh,” Ross answered, “you didn’t know? A whole year today. I can’t believe you forgot.”

The birds fled the trees at the sound of Max’ scream, but the catfish in the rivers were indifferent.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. You made it this far? Good job, homie. If it was good leave a kudo and a comment. If it was not good leave a passive aggressive kudo and a snide, criticizing comment. If you neither liked nor disliked this fic, leave a kudo and get a glass of water, or leave a comment if you’re feeling wild.  
> If this gets 69 kudos I’ll take it off anon


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